Dear Evil Dictators

It seems like every day now I log on to the New York Times website and various other sites I frequent and President Ahmadinejad of Iran and Kim Jong Il of North Korea are on the front page. They are growing increasingly more successful at spreading fear across the world. Everywhere, new “leaders” pop up, attracting the disenfranchised youths of their respective countries by creating scapegoats. Of course, it’s easy for me to say that I wouldn’t fall into that trap. I wasn’t born into poverty and I haven’t seen my family members killed before my eyes by the very same people who will later blame their deaths on foreigners or minorities.

We can sit here asking, “Why do we continue to do these things to each other,” and I don’t know if we’ll ever come up with an answer. But this is the mentality that allows leaders like Ahmadinejad to prosper. He too asks, “Why do we keep hurting each other,” while he turns around and crushes those who oppose him. He relates to the disenfranchised and he gives them an answer, it may not be the right answer, but it’s better than waking up every morning not knowing why this keeps happening.

These “leaders” are men who could not stand rejection. Whether it was Hitler being rejected as an artist or Hussein growing up impoverished and dejected in society, these men reject their own dismissals. Rather than accepting denial and working harder to convert it, they create an unjust reason for it, a figurehead to fight against. That which kept them down will now be undone itself.

What I’m trying to say is that these guys are total pussies. That’s right Mahmoud, I’m calling you out. I mean, come on man, I got cut from the basketball team my junior year. Did I go out and assassinate my coach and teammates? No, I spent the next two years getting drunk with my friends. Looking back, I was so much better off. Instead of wasting my time in the gym all summer and every day after school, I spent my time chasing girls and searching for new liquor stores that would sell me alcohol. Do I regret it… not at all. So let’s make a deal President Ahmadinejad, Dictator Jong Il; I’ll buy you guys a 40 oz. if you stop terrorizing innocent people. Trust me, you’re going to be way happier waking up in a puddle of your own puke than you will be waking up one day with some foreign soldier waving an M16 in your face. Guantanamo sucks guys, I’ve seen the pictures. Besides, I think I know a couple girls who are into the whole evil genius type. So give me a call boys, I’ll throw some Mickey’s Grenades on ice for ya…